I'm laying here on the beach in front of my studio, ice coffee in hand, breakfast already finished. It's 7:58 AM, Sunday the 24th of July and I just realized that I haven't wrote in almost a month. I haven't journal-ed, blogged, even just jotted down what's been on my mind.
I write to clear my head, I write because it feels good. 9 times out of 10 I don't share what I write with others. I just sat here and read all of my notes from my South America trip + from my Euro-trip. While I was reading I could hear the waves crashing on the shore and people in their beach chairs chatting. Right now, I feel the sun beating on my face and the sand making its way into my hair as I lay flat. I taste the yummy iced coffee while still remnants of the taste of the breakfast sandwich I just downed. (Bacon, egg and cheese on a croissant from the bakery I worked at as a kid - one of my favorite jobs, how could it not be when I was allowed a free breakfast like this?!) I see nothing but blue in the sky, and a beautiful reflection of the sun on the water. I love the way it sparkles. The air smells fresh and clean, sort of an "untainted" morning smell that Montauk tends to have anytime before 8 AM. (There's real life towns, where everyday people wake at 7 AM and then there's Montauk, we tend to run about two hours behind.)
Just sitting here explaining, writing, listing, what I see, feel, hear, taste and smell is enough to bring me back to center. It reminds me of a game my friend and I played in Europe. Whenever something went wrong and I was getting anxious or she was getting anxious we would take time to list 5 things around us that we could see. 4 things around us that we could hear. 3 things around us that we could touch. 2 things around us that we could smell. And one thing we could taste. Our anxiety almost always vanished after the game and we were able to move on with a laugh and a smile.
Right now, digging my toes into the sand and taking a few moments to appreciate and become aware of my surroundings is such a meditation. There are so many things in life that I allow to take over my mind. There are so many times I find myself worrying, fearing, becoming overwhelmed with emotion - good or bad that it's always a go-go-go. It's not always bad, but it's always a lot. It's always busy, if that makes sense. But it's times like these, where I allow my mind to be still, to let go of the good and the bad and to just "be" that I am able to find so much peace. I am able to find that quietness where I can be at ease. Where nothing and no one takes up space in my mind.
Diet, exercise, mental health, spirituality, socializing and continued education are all important aspects of life that I always have to remind myself to keep balanced. There are days when they all don't go as planned. There are days when they all do. But when weeks / months pass without diving deep into one. Without writing, or working out, or eating well - that's when I start to notice something isn't right. That's when I usually tend to re-visit these roles and goals of mine. Mornings like today remind me how grateful I am for all that I have. Taking a few moments to appreciate my surroundings reminds me that we all are in this together. It forces me to continue to focus on the good, all around me. To forget about the bad and not let those things take up an inch of space in my mind. I am a firm believer that if we all focus on the good, on staying in integrity with ourselves, then that's what will thrive on the outside. Lead by example and pray and wish well for those who may not always see clearly. Because there are times when that person is yourself, and you might just need that prayer from others.
Side note: There's not one person on this earth who's perfect. It took me a while to realize this. There's not one person who hasn't used poor judgement, who hasn't hurt someone at some time in their lives. Even if those weren't our intentions. In my opinion, it doesn't matter how we see it, or what we mean / meant, what matters is how we make or made others feel. And all we can do is learn from these situations and always strive to be better.