Last night I was sitting in the restaurant of the BnB I'm teaching at talking to Frances (the other yoga instructor) and Sharon (owner of Villa Konstantin in Greece). They were talking about how much they love the photos I post or are posted of me. They were making me die laughing saying the funniest and sweetest things. There was a point where the conversation turned though. From admiring me to feeling inadequate in their own skin. To wanting what I've got. Now in my head I'm thinking.. that's so sweet, but I wonder who they're looking at, because I don't feel that way about myself at all.
And let me tell you: NO AMOUNT OF INSTAGRAM OR FACEBOOK COMMENTS WILL EVER CHANGE THAT. This is huge - people think and say; but you have such a big following. So?
In that moment I was exhausted, sore, bloated, uncomfortable and sad. With a pimple the size of Texas on my face, no make up and hair I hadn't brushed in ages. Hormones will get ya huh? I kinda touched on this in my most recent blog post, but there are rarely days that I love every single thing about myself. There are days that I am happy for no reason and days that I am sad for no reason. And there are certainly days that my life isn't perfect. This doesn't mean I am not grateful. This means I am human. I try and stay far far away from giving off the "perfect life" on Instagram and FB because that's the last thing I want - is for anyone to look at me and say "I want that." No you don't. Trust me. I come with a whole bunch of issues 😂 - I am not perfect. My body isn't perfect. I have stretch marks. I have scars. I get pimples. And I feel like shit sometimes too. I get lost while traveling. I miss home. I meet shitty people. I get scared. I even see these perfect people on Instagram and fb and I catch myself saying "I want that." And I don't want to be a part of that cycle.
I share usually only the good because that's my motivation too. In reality the photos aren't ever perfect on the first try. Or on the first 29384 tries. They're blurry or the angle is wrong or I have a pimple on my face (as seen below)
So towards the end of the convo I told Sharon I would wake up this morning and take a photo of myself first thing. Before even looking in the mirror. Im telling you all that I feel like death. But this is me. No make up. Messy, greasy, sweaty hair. Pimple and I call them "sleepy eyes" because they are very sleepy in the morning. No filter. Probably the first time I've ever taken a photo on the first try and uploaded it. No editing app. Just me.
I don't like this photo at all. But that's the beauty of it - I don't have to post the perfect pic all the time. Life isn't about validation via Instagram or Facebook or any social media app. It's about validation through yourself. Accepting yourself fully, as you are. It's not about wanting what someone else has got because you are the most unique thing to walk this earth. Want what you've got. As I say this to you, I am telling myself as well.
So thank you Sharon and Frances for your inspiration always, thanks fb and instagram friends for the constant love. And today I also thank myself and my body. We're all rockstars.