“It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.”
It's very easy to for me to distract myself with giving love. I am good at it. It is what I "love" to do. Call it my passion. I teach, I make others feel at home. I invest myself in everything outside of me. I dress everyone and everything around me up. Christmas? My favorite, to give presents and see joy on peoples faces.
I love every person, every place with every ounce of me. I water and fertilize and feed the "love for others" seed and allow it to flourish and grow stronger and stronger. I allow myself to invest everything I have into that growth. Attach. Depend. On loving them. I allow my heart to basically bleed this love. Never enough love for me to give. It's a quality of myself that I, too, love. Yet this slope can turn out to be a slippy one.
When it comes to self-love, self investment, it's sometimes different for me. I find myself on the opposite scale of "treat yo-self." I give away my clothing if it takes up more than 4 shelves. I rotate between two pairs of shoes and give the rest away. I get my hair done probably once a year. Nails? Forget it. I work my body to the core during daily workouts to mentally stay focused in the office. Time for me? Like real time for me? It comes last, when I am finished with everything else. Or when I am mid-panic attack.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
I work and write and teach and post and work and write and teach and post. I offer advice to family and friends. I try and be this person who love love loves, forgetting often that the genuine-type love begins inside. That this showering love I present isn't always the type of love that others want, need or expect. That people will love me, regardless. They will love me for me, and not solely because of all of the love I am dying to give. I have remembered today, of all days, to water, fertilize and feed my love-seed. Invest in ME.
“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
It's an easy thing to forget, investing in ourselves, healing ourselves from the inside-out. It's easy to invest everything we have in sources outside of ourselves. That way, we don't have to face our own demons. It's taken me a while to realize that that is why I do it. It's a selfish quality of mine, because it does others no service. I can give them all of the love in the world, but how real is this love when there's dependency attached? When there is a "need" for it? We don't have to dig deep into the fears we carry when we are distracted by everyone and everything else. When our main focus is to make others smile, to heal them. We don't need to face our past conditioning. We don't need to exercise the "whys?" Spending time on figuring out why we react the way we do. Going back to every single trauma we have faced and re-living them. We don't need to do any of this when we don't have time for it. When we are too busy filling our lives with people. With adventures. With things. Figuring out just who we are is scary, because we are forced to face the parts we may not like. We are forced to accept every little thing about ourselves. And we are forced to love it all. I think that once we have mastered this type of self acceptance, giving love to others becomes second nature. It doesn't become a "need." It becomes a win/win.
“Stop trying to be less of who you are. Let this time in your life cut you open and drain all of the things that are holding you back.”